How Not to Be Defensive in Relationships


There’s no more common response to a partner’s remarks than to find oneself in a ‘defensive’ mood. It’s hugely understandable, but at points unfruitful. What follows is a short guide to reversing out of defensive moods for the sake of healthier communication.
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“We often operate in romantic life under the mistaken view – unconsciously imported from law courts and school debating traditions – that the person who is ‘right’ or has the stronger case should, legitimately, ‘win’ any argument. But this is fundamentally to misunderstand what the point of relationships might be. It is not to defeat an opponent (there are no prizes for ‘winning’ other than self-satisfied loneliness) so much as to try to help each other to evolve into the best versions of ourselves.”


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Produced in collaboration with:

Deanca Rensyta Mihardja

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How Not to Be Defensive in Relationships by creativecommons (CC) is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 4.0 License.