How to Stop Feeling Nostalgic for an Ex

There’s nothing more common and yet more peculiar than our habit, in certain moods, of feeling nostalgic for lovers whom we spent a good deal of time trying to escape from. What is this feeling and can it be trusted?
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“After considerable agony, we’ve left a relationship. We’re on our own now – and, when we can bear to be honest, it’s a little harder than we expected. We aren’t going on many dates; the central heating broke down last week; the shopping is proving a hurdle.
In idle moments, we find ourselves daydreaming, returning fondly to certain occasions in the concluded relationship. There was that wintry weekend by the sea: they looked adorable walking on the beach in their thick scarf. We fed the seagulls and drank cheap white wine from paper cups on the seafront and felt connected and happy. Then there was a moment on honeymoon, when we discovered the little Vietnamese restaurant hidden away in a side street in Paris and became friends with the owner and her husband. Or we recall how, at a large party, we both realised we didn’t particularly like the other guests – it was a special, conspiratorial moment: the two of us, shoulder to shoulder, talking over just what was wrong with everyone else. We’re newly conscious of the charm of so many things that seemed ordinary at the time – coming out of the supermarket, putting everything away in the fridge and the cupboards; making soup and toasted cheese and watching television on the sofa…”


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Produced in collaboration with:
Noelle Smith Design

Title animation produced in collaboration with

Vale Productions


47 thoughts on “How to Stop Feeling Nostalgic for an Ex”

  1. Have you struggled with getting over an ex and come through the other side? What helped you cope? Let us know in the comments below and be sure to turn on notifications to ensure you don't miss our next film.

  2. I guess it all comes down to trusting yourself, in this case – your past self. I had this problem when I started planning mid- and long-term more actively. When you tell yourself that at the moment of the decision, you were at the height of your wisdom, trusting that past person and enduring the consequences becomes easier. Thanks for the additional data that proves my point, positive bias notwithstanding! ☺️

  3. This video presumes that we left our ex and not the other way round … What if we were happy and gave our 100% but still were cheated on and broken up with without any fault on our part … What if we always loved them and were ready to accept them even after being cheated on and still they decided to leave and us and move on … And they did that with zero guilt and complete lack of remorse …

  4. I definitely broke up with the guy I'd been dating for the right reasons, and I've never regretted it. I've missed him at times, yes, but I wasn't missing HIM. I was missing my old idea of him. In truth, he was profoundly and ridiculously selfish, disrespectful, and cold. And no, I'm not saying that out of anger either. I have concrete examples.

  5. But how do you know when the end is the end? Every relationship (even the one I have with my self) has joys and sorrows and boredom and conflict. And, as I've heard on this very channel, there is no right person, we will have the same, or similar conflicts with every potential partner. How do I know that I'm not, in my mind, amplifying the problems, making them monsters rather than mere troubles? If I think hard enough, I can regret every decision I've ever made. I mean, if my child or pet made me crazy sometimes, I wouldn't get rid of them…why should I do this with my spouse?

  6. Ex 1: Cheated on me.

    Ex 2: We should have kept it as friends and I was desperate for a relationship and. Was combating my sexuality.

    Ex 3: Combating my sexuality and I ignored all the red flags of abuse.

    Can’t say I’m nostalgic.

  7. Wait, when did I get subbed to a women's magazine?
    The solution is easy. Drink until you start phasing in and out of consciousness, through laughing and singing and bar fights, until you wake up staring at the pavement. Rinse and repeat until the pain is gone.

  8. You don't miss that ex from high school or your twenties….. You miss the great times you had back then and carefree times when you did not have to worry so much and life was still wide open. You put that all on the person you had a romantic relationship with.

  9. I don't get nostalgic over my ex but I do sometimes wonder whether cutting off a very shitty "friend", whom I even considered a best friend at a point in time, was a correct decision and whether I should try to get back in touch with him. This video rectifies all my doubt. I should trust my past self and just carry on .

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