Being polite is a wonderful and hugely necessary quality; but there can – in love – be moments when politeness becomes an impediment to sincere feeling. We may at points need to give free rein to our resentments and annoyances and say it like it is – if we’re later to feel properly loving and spontaneous. Good relationships are filled with respect, but they also know moments of proper frankness. There are moments when we need to put extreme politeness to one side.
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“It’s natural to imagine that the highest virtue in love would be kindness and, a close second, politeness.
But there is an odd danger lurking here: a relationship where we are overly polite, where there is not enough directness, where things go wrong not because of a lack of tenderness or serenity but because of a stifling excess of manners, because there aren’t enough raised voices, insults, legitimate furies and moments where both partners feel free to call each other idiots and much worse…”


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Angie Phillips