Dealing with Toxic Parents | Kati Morton

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How to deal with toxic parents?
1. Get into therapy. Having a place to vent and talk about all we are going through and even gain some perspective. It can help us so much because the relationship we have in therapy can be so healing.
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2. Set and uphold boundaries. Do this and also keep yourself safe. I want to make sure you are safe in your home until you have somewhere else to move to. This could just mean staying in your room or out of the house as much as possible
3. Save your money – find a way to get out asap. This could even be staying with a friend or another family member (remember this is all to keep you safe and help you thrive and grow)
4. Figure out what YOU want from the relationship. Maybe write a letter you never send. Consider what you need from them and then compare that to what they are able to give in a safe and loving way. This can be really hard, but take your time and really think about it
5. Have other support. Other family members, friends, support groups (if the toxic parent is also a drug addict or alcoholic, there is Al-Anon and Alateen for free group support. https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLDs0tNoNYTz1P3dO8m5Wdv0WE2lPTQSJmTry​ ​BetterHelp:​ http://tryonlinetherapy.com/katimorton
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34 Comments
  1. Janky Jeans says

    I’ve only recently subscribed to you after I saw you on Shane Dawson’s channel ? I have BPD and have found your videos so helpful, thank you sooooo much!!! And this video could not come at a better time as my mum has moved back in with me and I haven’t been coping very well. Thank you again ❤️? xxx

  2. yaquta hazem says

    It really hurts when people who are close to you hurt you the most

  3. Sew She Did says

    When it comes to my mom, there is no middle point. Best just to cut contact which I did last summer. She contacted me again this spring on FB and I blocked her. She's always managed to manipulate me into taking up contact again but not this time. When she realised she couldn't do that anymore, she took away her last name, which originates from my grandfather who was my biggest idol as a child (only she and I had that last name in our family since both my grandfather and grandmother passed away a long time ago). I think she was extremely jealous of how close I was to my grandfather. She always talks bad about anyone I have/had a special relation to. Even though my grandfather passed away when I was 12 (I'm 37 now), I still cry when I think about him. He did everything for me and I know I would not be alive today if I hadn't had him in my life. He was my only security so when he passed I was and still feel lost. He was like a parent to me, my only parent.

  4. yo itzflex says

    My mother reminds me of a witch all she does is ruin my self esteem and calls me antisocial when all I am is depressed and anxious and I don’t feel like talking to people and when I tell her I’m depressed she acts like it’s my fault for feeling that way when she is one of the reasons why I feel the way I do I was bullied she did nothing about it and talks down me every single day

  5. Caity Cat says

    This video made me cry because you talk so genuinely and I felt like you were talking to ME.

  6. Lukas Miebach says

    I wish someone would rolemodel or showcase a healthy,uplifting relationship (by acting it in a scene of example),
    to give people how have been raised poorly & dont know better about the potential of relationships, a realistic feedback, so they can identify when maybe a subtle manipulation or poor behavior in general is happening to them.

    Because I just know in my case, I am 27, i didnt even realize what is poor behavior & affecting my self-esteem, because it was all i ever learned & knew as a single child, with 2 really traumatised/toxic parents. So i stayed under their toxic fingers, not even knowing about breaking out & standing up for myself, which than let me with a pessimistic/frustrated outlook on other relationships that would bei healthy, recovering & uplifting for me. I wouldnt even trust going to seek a therapist. So I isolated myself & got stuck in that situation of low self-esteem.
    I believe there are more cases of this & it would help the ones only dare themselves to seek help & escape from their parents reality via the web/videos.

    I think this would be a great "closing the gap" step for people to seek therapy, as youre theoretical videos already are. But if its practical by example it would be less abstract & giving more very needed inside for the ones who suffer greatly from not daring & knowing better.

    Thanks for reading the whole comment. 😉

  7. Cerena Berkeley says

    Everyone talks about the toxic dad, but in this scenario it’s my mom, only my mom

  8. Stephanie Urbano says

    im in a situation where i am being emotionally abused… my dad and step mom can be nice but most of the time i get told '' it was a mistake bringing you here " or " all you do is cause problems" " im so tired of you" or you shouldnt live with me, you are causing too much drama" an things like that… it hurts … they say im dissapointing and it really hurts … im so tired of it.i am only 14 almost 15 but once i am 16 or 17 i wanna live alone , that way i get way from all the problems i cause to them an i can have my own freedom, talk to whoever i want, be with whoever i want .. and the thing is … i have a choice to live with my real mom if i wanted to… but the problem with that is two things… i have had issues with my mom in he past too, and my big sister and i have also had issues in the past. ive had so many problems with my sister, dad and mom that police and cps had to once get invloved. and also dont wanna leave the school i am in right now i dont wanna loose all the friends i have made that has helped me through so much… or have to do long distance relationship… my boyfriend is the only one that i trust right now and he make me feel safe when i m around him… i wanna live with my friends and their parents… it probably better for me .. i know it wont feel the same and itll be different but at least i wont have to deal with yelling and mean parents and … someone please hep me … i need advice

  9. Breanna Fountain says

    It’s comforting to see how many others struggle with this. I can be hard going throughout the day seeing how many have great relationships with their parents and think you are the ONLY one who just doesn’t.

  10. sco5b says

    My mother has always been abuse. She manipulated everyone surrounding to make me look bad. Has always look bad on everything I do “my fault”. She changes her mind all the time. I’m an adult now is the same thing over and over again. Never had support. Her solution is me having therapists, working, putting me down. No boundaries. Is awful!
    P.s
    Homophobic for almost 21 years

  11. ethan dishman . says

    i’m 13 and all my mom does is yell , every day it’s something new , my dad and her are divorced and i can’t see him all the time my moms always calling me names , hitting me and i can’t talk to her about anything i don’t know what to do anymore . she won’t let me go to “therapy “ because she thinks i’m crazy but she’s the one who’s crazy

  12. Core_Orso says

    As soon as i'm able to live independently, i'm just breaking away from my parents so i got nothing to worry about :/ its been happening for more than 10 years now btw this is probably why people are silent in public or thats why i am 😐

  13. UK Business says

    I can’t take another day with her belive me this is over 30 years of trying. She’s driven ever family member away and the few very young ones are caught up because of her money! I don’t want this anymore . We all gonna leave the money and stuff right her on earth and we’ll be gone. Question is do you wanna live your life in peace or with the misery of a vicious human because they have wealth . I don’t want to go there . I don’t want to see her or hear her . A phone call once every two months will do me. I’m dying inside. Everyone else walked away and has nothing to do. I want the power and strength NEVER!! To be in the pits of that . Evil cold narsasistic behaviour . Again it’s awful . She never sees her wrong she shouts and speaks over you she cry’s to block you from speaking. She says hello and smiles on day and the next it’s demons to the ready.our of no were for nothing. God this is truly making and has made me ill. F..k what you got . I want my peace of mind. Sad your own siblings and children don’t want you . Enough

  14. Tiffany Vigil says

    So me and my mom went to a therapist that has a emotional support dog for clients that feel calmer talking about things while petting the dog, and I kid you not, we had this woman petting her own dog during the session. Lol

  15. Lucky's Tale says

    Love your channel, especially when I can validate my experiences and what I did to survive them. I did stay away (library, friends, cafe) and had the lock on my door etc. I'm a survivor of a toxic parent .

  16. Kayla Edwards says

    I'm almost 23 years old, and still living with my father, who is very emotionally abusive. I have been dying to move out for years now.

  17. Jacinda Ip says

    my parents gave me anxitey and depression. 🙁 this video i can relate too sadly its my reality. they always ask have you found a job and i would say no, maybe. 🙁

  18. charu gajurel says

    hey Kati, your videos are really helpful. Right now I'm struggling with my relationship with my mom. She has cast such a long shadow on my life that I recently found I was a hopeless codependent and currently trying to come out of it. But more recently, she has become even a greater problem to me because we live together and she keeps yelling at my child. No matter how much I intervene or no matter how much I teach my kid to handle her, it's no use. I'm really concerned. My mom's a good person and I don't have any grudge against her but I can't silently watch her mistreat my child. I've been planning for some time about living separately from my family but since I'm a single mother I'll have to lean on them for this or that anyway. So I can't completely avoid them. How can I protect my child in such situation , I need to understand and know. I'm really worried.

  19. Rly Ok says

    I only want to become a good mother because of how bad my mother was to me.

  20. Billy Bob says

    This video really helped me a lot. Thank you.

  21. Adriana Caguana says

    wow this video took me back to my teens and early 20s. I did just as you suggested, so grateful I took control of my happiness. I do look back and wish I had taken my brother and sister with me when I moved out at 22. Unfortunately, my parents toxicity was taking a toll on our sibling connection, luckily we held on tight to each other and now in our 30s we are very close and try our best to keep our toxic parents at arms length. So sad but it's the only way we can maintain balance in our lives.

  22. Bianca Andrei says

    I wish this video was out there for me to find when I was a child. But still helpful now in young adulthood nonetheless.

  23. Xenia Nova says

    Have watched this a billion times and I will keep doing so to remind myself it's not ME, but THEM who have the problem

  24. Rob Ot says

    Therapy sucks. It's always the flavor of the day and you're just being sold a product. Wait for the bill ?

  25. Phantom Warrior says

    my parents from a young environment shamed me in public to make more friends that i lacked the self confidence and became more introverted and reclused. pretty much i am never good enough. when i graduated and didn't have a job, being at home was near impossible. finally my wife came into my life and showed me how proper parents behave. and she is my beacon of light that has allowed me to stand up to my parents.

  26. Armor Motion says

    I'm moving out tomorrow, I can't stand all the emotional abuse anymore.

  27. pipok1412 says

    How do you define a toxic parent?

  28. brooke johannsen says

    My mom manipulated me to bully a girl in high school. I made her life miserable, i kind of made everyone hate her. Now, a few years later, i feel so really guilty. I know my sibling is her favourite daughter, and she does so many things that let me understand she hates me- or i disgust her. Toxic to a point that she wants to control my life, manipulate me and everything i do. I can't remember how many times i told my friends that it feels like my life doesn't belong to me. She get me on my fucking nerves, i accumulate way too much anger because of her. For y'all to see, she's that crazy that at my fucking 16 years old, wouldn't let me use tampoms because "they were going to hurt me". I'm bi and she's homophobic, she comments things like : " lesbian sex is disgusting " or makes me feel guilty about my sexuality. She doesn't like anything i do or i want, she didn't even had my back when i had depression. Man, I just want her out of my life, i just can't wait for her to feel extremely sorry for everything she's done to me.

    (Also, i'm asexual because of her… Thanks to a teenage trauma.)

  29. Fox TheGamer says

    In order to save my money I need to figure out a way to make it impossible for her to steal my money. Unfortunately she has stolen my hard earned money among other things from me

  30. Final Fantasy says

    Toxic parants what is that means??

  31. Psychedelic says

    It's crazy that the lack of attention/love I got from my parents at a young age suddenly breaks something inside me after 21 years. I now know how bad I was treated and how I never developed a solid self-esteem. Now I have to take the consequences for it.

  32. nick grimes says

    Y do you have dream catchers on your wall smh ?

  33. Gabriella Mardis says

    what if we r still to young where we can't leave the house because they don't let me

  34. POC atheist foodblogger says

    My therapist was friend of my mother.
    Every time I spoke about mother,she manipulated,shamed me.

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