Forgiveness & Acceptance – Mental Health Help with Kati Morton

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It’s one of the hardest things to do. Forgive. Today we’re talking about forgiveness and acceptance. Acceptance that we can’t change the past and forgiveness (not forgetting) what happened. In order to heal, to become healthy, to move forward in life, we must let go of the events that hold us back. We must forgive ourselves, forgive the person who hurt us and move forward. We can still be angry, we don’t have to forget what happened, we just have to accept that it did happen, that it cannot be changed and that we will no longer let it control our lives. Forgiveness is really letting go of the thought that the past could have been different. It takes time and work but by letting go of the past we can finally move on to the future deserve! So let’s get started on this today! We can do it! Let’s forgive and live! MY FREE WORKBOOKS:
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34 thoughts on “Forgiveness & Acceptance – Mental Health Help with Kati Morton”

  1. I don’t believe in forgiveness either, as without the honest repentance of the transgressor my forgiveness basically lets them off the hook. I have found a better strategy for coping with these difficult situations in life and that is the practice of acceptance. That is where possible I try to understand my part in anything that may have taken place and also accept the transgressor for who they are, what they did at that time, not what I would like them to be. Acceptance does not mean liking, it merely means the I have respect for reality; what is is!

    The first step I found was to raise the levels of my own consciousness/self-awareness of what was happening inside; my thoughts, physical sensations, emotional responses, impulses and urges. I then sought to understand why another person might be acting the way they were acting. This I found to be revelatory and was a precondition of my personal growth and change journey.

    By looking at the lives of my parents and how they themselves were raised and how through ignorance and frustration continued to raise me and my brothers with severe violence. I also looked in detail at my part in trying to ‘fix’ them so they could love me the way I wanted by acquiescing to their every whim for a considerable number of years. My acceptance point came when I realised the futility of being angry at someone because they were not what I wanted them to be and also faced my own voluntary and coerced actions within this drama. At this point anger seemed rather silly and unsustainable. That does not mean I like what happened, but in having a healthy respect for reality I now realise where I begin and end and where they begin and end. I do me and they do themselves on our own individual life journeys.

    Once the world is viewed from the position of respect for reality, acceptance I think becomes easier.

  2. This is probably the only time you've lost me. One, I don't have to forgive my abusers. Two, no, you do not get to still be angry at someone you forgave. "I forgive you" means you cleared the books on whatever the person did — it is over, you don't get to be angry, you don't get to talk about the thing anymore, you get to have zero feelings on what that person did. You forgave, so it is no longer up to discuss. And if you get angry again anyway later on, well, too bad about you, because you forgave them, so all you get to do is suck it up in silence. Period. It's like selling a car — if you sell the car, you don't get to keep fingers on the car. You sold it. It is gone now. Forever.

    And some things are not forgivable. The most abusive thing that my late mother did was fairly horrible, and hmm, she isn't here to own what she did, apologize for real, and make real amends. Even if she was and could bring herself to do those things instead of accusing me of "hallucinating" her abuse, I don't know how forgivable what she did would be.

  3. This isn't forgiveness, this is reconciling with harm. It isn't he same thing. Forgiveness needs to be taken right out of mental health language because it is weaponised against victims to keep them silent and is acutely triggering. Even when it is done with a veil of "do it for yourself" over it. Do not forgive unless someone earns it, reconcile with the harm, accept your anger as rational, don't forgive and move on and live.

  4. This took me a long time to do. I thought that I was always a forgiving person until I realized all of the grudges, self-pity, defensiveness, resentment, anger, vengence, and bitterness that was festering inside of me, my mind, and heart. I appeared to be nice but I was murderous in my soul and conscious wanting people to die horrible death for all the pain they have brought me for decades. There are times that I get angry and depressed but I no longer hold on to hatred and a victim mentality. People heal and recover at their own pace regardless if they forgive or not.

  5. I agree with this and I also know a lot of times that person who abused you back when you were abused you trusted that person and probably thought the abuser was right which makes it hard to stop dwelling because you Mabry think that person was right back then so you might think what ever he or she did defines you but they were wrong witch is why you should talk about this with someone

  6. I've been watching your videos for a few months now and have been quietly appreciating what you do.  But this video really just helped me with a horrible situation, in a big way.  So I have to say, thank you, for doing what you do and offering up your professional insight into healing.  In this video, you handed me a perspective that I previously never considered, but was something I needed to consider and take on, so that I can, emotionally, move forward.  Thank you.  You are priceless and beyond appreciated.  Kind Regards.

  7. Hi Ms. Morton. I find your video very helpful. The only question I have is about your statement about being angry and forgive at the same time. You mentioned in the video that if we're always angry about our past hurt, we're giving control to our offenders over us. However, later you mentioned that we can be angry and forgive at the same time. I find it a bit inconsistent – how can we hold on to resentment of past hurt if we want to forgive?

  8. I thought I had forgiven the past but it feels like I still live there and everything in my life surrounds my past… :/ my depression and my anxiety get worse every time I think of any part of it… It feels like I will always be in this 'state' although I have tried to let it go… I just don't know how to.

  9. The only person ive ever forgiven is myself for falling into the hands of psychos. But thats it and that was hard enough. Ill never forgive people who threatened my safety day after day, never.

  10. I will always forgive someone if they do something wrong,but what if I forgive them and they don’t when I am wrong,How am I supposed to react to that?Sometimes I feel good when watching your videos because I know I have something to relate to when I don’t dare telling anyone else! <3 Have a good day!

  11. I completely agree with the importance of forgiveness for you're own good. I just think there is a strong difference between acceptance and forgiveness. I can accept my past and how my father treated me, but I do not forgive him. Maybe I will in the future, but for now, I will merely accept it as the past and nothing more. I'm pretty sure that being only 17, I don't fully understand the true concept of forgiveness. Hopefully that is something I will learn as I continue to grow up.

  12. Thanks for this Kati.  I love how you explained this concept.  I have heard others try and it always feels like they are just saying you should just get over it, don't be angry that you were hurt.  But your explanation was beautiful.  I think forgiveness has a lot of negative connotations as it is often used in sayings like just forgive and forget.  Or implied that if you forgive someone what they did do you was ok.  So I guess I prefer the term acceptance or radical acceptance.  But I agree it's so important for your own well-being to accept what happened and not drag it through to your future. 

  13. I`ve just discovered your amazing channel. I have recently been diagnosed with a dissociative disorder with anxiety and compulsive behaviour. I`m looking forward to watching all of your videos. I have just started making video`s about my mental health so maybe you could watch the two of them and let me know what you think. Thank you for your honesty about mental health. Take care.

    My Mental Health Vlog 1 Dissociative Disorder Psychiatric Assessment and Anxiety

  14. idk… I don't think I'm capable of forgiveness… It seems like with certain cycles, my head always latches onto something that I've thought I've let go… And it ranges from the serious and legitimate to the benign to things that didn't even happen…

    And there we go with blaming the disorder rather than taking responsibility…

  15. Thanks Kati Morton for the great videos. I have felt both sides of healing forgiveness and stagnating hate. Holding on to the negativity just keeps me in the past. Its like some sort of flashback whenever something reminds me of a bad situation. Not feeding into it and like you said not thinking of what could have been but forgiving instead is invigorating and liberating like tapping into a inner fountain of strength. Keeping busy and creating new doors to enjoy also helps from going back to the old ones.

  16. I have a question, but first wanted to say thanks!! Forgive and live – that's a great idea – perhaps it'll help me as I struggle with the concept of "let go." (Cause what does that even mean, entail or look like? Sigh…)
    My question is: what can a person do if the cause of their rumination is exclusively the attempt to figure out what their role was in an outcome, particularly when the outcome seems dis-congruent with the events which caused the outcome.
    I hope that's not too vague of a question! Basically, in order to learn from an experience and avoid repeating it, I've tried but struggled to understand my role in co-creating it (and if, as accused by the other party involved, it's actually all my fault). If I'm completely to blame, I want to know!! I've spent an embarrassing (and likely unhealthy) amount of time considering from different angles, I've stopped thinking about it, restarted… Still I seem to end up unable to see what my part was and can't identify the details that might indicate I'm mostly or completely to blame. In fact, I dare wonder if it got flipped on me, ie: victim blaming, but that could surely be a sign of my own bias.

  17. That was a great video Kati, thank you so much. It is hard to forgive. I think I prefer the term "acceptance" of a past situation than forgiveness, because I can't help thinking that forgiving the person means that I say that what he/she did was okay… and that's not, especially when it was done on purpose. Anyway, thanks again for all your help 🙂

  18. Thanks so much for this video. It is actually great timing because I've been recently thinking about how I still haven't forgiven my ex-boyfriend even though we broke up almost 2 years ago. I still keep on playing what happened in my head and how I wish I could have done things differently. He really hurt me, and I keep hoping that he will apologize to me some day, but I need to let go of the past and forgive him. It won't be easy, but I need to do it for myself. 

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