How to Put A STOP to Being Manipulated by A Gaslighter

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Gaslighting is a hot topic these days because it’s a subtle but harmful type of emotional or psychological manipulation that is happening to many more among us than we realize.

In the past few videos, we have been talking about what gaslighting is and how to know if you have been a victim of gaslighting.

So today, we are going to talk about how to deal with the gaslighter and set very clear boundaries when you are being gaslit.

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What is Gaslighting? WATCH HERE: https://youtu.be/4uxipIsaUGA

How to know if you’re being gaslit. WATCH HERE: https://youtu.be/Qj-WgrQa_Fo

GET MY DOWNLOAD – 25 WAYS TO SAY NO! – HERE: http://juliakristina.com/tt/ways-to-say-no/

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36 Comments
  1. Julia Kristina Counselling says

    Which one of these strategies resonated with you most?

  2. FROYLAN GUILLEN ALVAREZ says

    I have physically left my home and went to nieces home…currently there are two people in my life that live with me. The first is my common law partner since 2004 and the second is my niece, who is homeless, and has drug issues as well as being in a recent relationship where she has been both gaslighter and victim of a narcissist which always ends up in violence on both sides. I am now her prime victim so much so that I have had to leave my home to get away. My partner pays all the household bills he provides for me I am disabled an unable to maintain my home without him I would end up homeless I was in counseling for three years and during that time I put a restraining order on him. When I went for help it was like your options are lose home and go into a shelter. Lose home home and become homeless…there was no help out there even thru the churches or government services being single no children being disabled. Left counseling went back with partner….being abused…with niece have had her here several times every time massive gaslighting on me had restraint order at one time…police and partner took her side…inside not her and friend kicking yelling screaming trying to kick door in break windows to get in the home because of a red duffle bag. Was inside with other niece and my two great niece and nephew…partner was outside with them and did nothing talking with them as if they had came to visit then when police came he walked to back of house. Police took her side until she accidentally told them I had a restraining order…so please tell me being disabled and unable to leave being on a fixed income is there really anyone or persons that would help…I don’t think so…now I am invisible because it’s safer for my mind….please help my name is ANNETTE CASTELLANOS my partners name is on my untuned…thank you

  3. Mary Fernando says

    Hello Julia, I wish you could provide some actual examples of 'gaslighting acts or word' used. And add to that some appropriate responses that can be used. It will make more sense and easier to understand. Yes I have been 'gaslit' by my own son who stated I needed counselling. Whoa! that is what I call below the belt attack. However my response is to issue a personal attack and asked him if he had suddenly acquired some high level qualifications in Psychology. That soon shut him up. He is not qualified anything like that. In comparison I am a Registered Nurse and also have a Bachelor degree in Social Science. I am confident I know more about human behaviour than he ever will. I also worked as Correctional Officer for 8 years, that is after my 25 years Nursing career. Most people being 'gaslit' are often without the advantage of experience or qualifications to respond appropriately to incidents of gaslighting. My take on this subject is similar to the "Me too" movement.

    Women are quite prepared to wear clothes revealing half their breasts in a work environment and there are those who believe they have the right to expose their breasts to feed their baby. It is just not done if you have self respect. Like you regularly state one has to take charge of the 'self.' Next I expect people may start it is okay to show their love publicly. Who really cares how much you love or lust after that person? We are victims of not only our inherent personal qualities but also the nurture and nature parts of our lives throughout. Most people will respond by saying that they cannot help what they are doing. How can that be when it is making them miserable. Perhaps they enjoy being the 'victim.'
    Thank you for all the tips.

  4. Holly Tercero says

    This is very helpful!

  5. Freddie Lounds says

    What if you literally cannot leave the situation. That the person knows you are trapped there, knows you cannot leave, knows you have no ability to escape them and even if you know that they are doing this there is no getting out? How do you even begin to fix that?

  6. Please make an "Identify & Healing after Gaslighting" playlist. Thanks.

  7. Narcfree At Last says

    One classic is: "It's your fault that I can't control my actions." or "I told you to do X, but you did Y which caused me to Z".

  8. Quick Alice says

    They are twisted people thinking that they won't get their asses beat to a bloody pulp

  9. G H says

    he's a gaslighteer, make you work hard, make you spend hard
    Make you want all of his love
    Hes a gaas liiighter, make you buy cars, make you cut cards

    Wish you never ever met him at all

  10. abemore says

    "That's not what happened. I know what happened." – If you say this, it makes you also a gas lighter! You have to accept both differing memories and differing perspectives as a valid.

  11. Len says

    Thank you for this, I did this to people my whole life not realizing what I was doing, gaslighting is a form of mental abuse and I hope people stop.

  12. Teresa Selby says

    I hurt my best friend. I wanting to kill myself. What can I do. I want to make it right.

  13. Amanda Sligar says

    My sister has always done this to me and I broke up with a guy who was really good at it. I didn't know what was going on but had a gut feeling that something wasn't right about him. The gut was right. Always listen to your gut instincts.

  14. Sharralynn Pierce Woolworth says

    You need to shake off that Marin County stuff!…..Center Yourself? You're not really offering much f a solution,.

  15. Forgiven and Blessed says

    I've just found you & I'm so very thankful. The last therapist I went to, after being kidnapped & attempted murdered, gaslighted me bad, only I didn't know what it was. I just knew it wasn't right, but I wasn't right at the time. Since then, I refuse to go to another. You are a breathe of fresh air.

  16. Glittery Marshmellow1981 says

    Let’s do this

  17. Google User says

    You use the term "the way the're making you feel."
    I was told that "no one can make me feel like i do but me."
    Not by a narcasist.

  18. Lawrence Sims says

    Thankyou young lady thankyou

  19. Remedios Naturales says

    Love your videos !!!

  20. The Shining Ones says

    They’re a “winner” and I’m tired of being a “loser” 🥳 Jussayin

  21. serenababe says

    Very Helpful and definitely going to take what you’ve said in this video into consideration… what should you do if you have someone who is basically gaslighting me but acts like he’s talking about my family that have gaslighted me- hope what I’ve said makes sense. Need some help on how to stand up for myself against the person that is being a gaslighter please

  22. deb mastantoni says

    I just got out of a 5yr relationship with a narcissistic sociopathic gaslighteR. I didn’t realize until after it ended. Wish I’d known. Every definition of a gaslighteR in a relationship is whT I dealt with

  23. Carolina Organics Soap Co. says

    Are there coping skills for children? Or should they be kept away at all costs? We just found out my ex is a narcissist gas-lighter. I’ve also recently found out he’s using these techniques on my children. I’m extremely upset.

  24. Elizabeth Grilo says

    How do you deal with a boss being the gaslighter?

  25. M Carmo says

    Thank you very much, Julia 🙌💕🍀🙂

  26. S Murray says

    Does the person doing the gaslighting always know that's what they're doing?

  27. sarsgård hammarstedt says

    Thank you❤

  28. Cate Clark says

    One of the worst types of gaslighters I know is the Munchausen's Mum who gets her psycho-emotional sustenance by inflicting her babies with bad programming about their own self identity, self- worth/esteem and sense of belonging etc. I'm guessing even non-Factitious disordered parents gaslight their children to a degree?

  29. Sharralynn Pierce Woolworth says

    You spend too much time talking about WHAT IT IS AND HOW YOU HAVE SO MANY VIDEOS ABOUT IT! JUST GET ON WITH IT!

  30. Nancy Madore says

    This is dead on

  31. PaintFlicker says

    It is a terrible injustice for a victim who becomes aware of this abuse, but cannot leave or terminate the relationship with the unhealthy person.
    I was so blessed to be thousands of miles away from my very toxic family having only my spouse, church, and children as negative influencers while my heart and soul began the long process of healing. The toxic spouse and church are no longer a part of my life. My children were young enough to learn healthy living. They are well-balanced, successful adults now.

  32. PaintFlicker says

    Stop! Palm out like a traffic cop calmly saying Stop is my best approach.
    Removed myself from the relationship.
    My boundaries are for me, not others. When I am uncomfortable with someone, I do question myself to see if I have contributed to the situation. If it’s gaslighting or crazy-making, If honesty is unattainable from them, I will leave, and/or remove their contact information.
    I’m 63 now. I have no time for these kinds of people with my years being limited.

  33. Tom Baldwin says

    America is gas lit with bull shit!

  34. Brooke says

    😂 One of the BEST moments is when you get this big, obnoxious text and you reply "not taking the bait. Hope your day gets better. Turning the phone off now."

    I'm telling you… it's satisfying. Like pulling painter's tape off and finding no bleed.

    Here's the truth in that scene – whether you bite and get into a 5 hour long battle or turn your phone off, raise a finger and move on in your day – the end of your day is going to have the same outcome with this person. Once in a while you may even have a decent outcome. They get tired too. They tire out faster if you let them corkscrew alone.

    So, keep your peace if you have an out. Try to remember that this person is UNWELL. Nobody in their right mind behaves this way. It's hard to be angry with someone that is sick. 💙 Keeps you sane with that perspective too.

  35. Nikita Mitchell says

    My boyfriend knows I have bad memory once I’ve drank alcohol, he even said to me once he could literally say I’ve done anything and I wouldn’t know. This was my first red flag and tried to drink less so I remembered more just incase he ever did try to make things up. So anyway I told him (after a drink) that I’m going out with my friends for Halloween and I want it to be an all girls night which he asks to come along and to which I tell him no because I promised my friend it would be just me and her. So the next morning we wake up and he tells me he is looking at outfits for Halloween so I ask him where he is going initially thinking he might be going out with friends too. And then he hit me with ‘oh you invited me out last night with your mate’ remembering the conversation I tell him he can’t again and then I get a ‘well you invited me now you have no choice’. Things are pretty new but I’m scared this could be the start to something BAD

  36. Yo Yoyo says

    If you have someone like this in your life you'll see they sort of always throw little hooks at you regularly. Like throwing you these little traps of drama that you can mentally fall into. Like you are a fish swimming around, and they regularly throw hooks with baits at you, and you result in having some kind of negative emotion like guilt, pity, or other drama. So you have to be vigilant and recognize when they throw you the hooks and avoid falling into that manipulation trap each time. You have to be really awake, alert, vigilant and be firm when you're dealing with this kind of person and never forget who they truly are no matter how nice they maybe acting at the moment. Never forget who they are and stay on your course. Your course must be always to get them out of your life and if you can't(maybe they're family etc) it should be keeping safe distance. And never let that decision change or falter because you think they've changed or they're being nice now or whatever. Set it and stick with it for the rest of your life until you die.

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