The Therapeutic Relationship – Self-Harm and Eating Disorder Video with Kati Morton | Kati Morton

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The Therapeutic Relationship – Self-Harm and Eating Disorder Video with Kati MortonRecently someone asked me about the nature of the therapeutic relationship. I hope that this video gives you more insight into the world of a therapist and our relationship with clients. If you have any questions please feel free to post in the comment section.xoxo Kati
Kati Morton, MFTI
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37 Comments
  1. M X says

    For me, I was very angry that I was “forced” to get help for my eating disorder, so I decided to not say anything. The first therapist I saw was all “why don’t you want to talk?” and tried to make guesses about and I just didn’t like her. The second therapist I saw was like “you don’t want to talk? well, that’s fine, I can’t make you talk. I still expect you to follow your meal plan and gain weight though, but if you don’t want to talk, that’s fine”. It was sooo provocative, but at the same time I knew I had found my match. She just kind of reflected my stubbornness, and I guess I felt a connection. She ended up helping me a lot!

  2. im19ice3 says

    what i really like about my therapist is that she's very respectful and considerate, when i talk about ways in which i see the world that i know are unhealthy but they're all i have she always reassures me that it doesn't make me a bad person, that i coped however i was able to and knowing sh'es going to be understanding rather than judgemental, if i get hung up on words that i feel are imprecise she won't scold me for it the way sometimes other people do because they think i'mderailing the conversation, she knows it's important to me to be accurately understood and communicate clearly, which i'm sure is inconvenient sometimes since we've pulle dout a dictionary while in session before, those parts of me that i feel shame or annoyance about are as important a part of me as my virtues in that space, i don't feel like i am undeserving or devoid of power with her, it feels like an equal exchange

  3. Leanne Doolan says

    Hey @Katimorton , iv just started seeing my therapist. Had 3 sessions with her upto now. Its seem ok but because my last therapist i had a bad experience with im obviously very anxious… How many sessions do would u say to know if that therapist is right? I dont think shes not at all I'm surprised how well my last session went. But because of my bad experience with the my old one there's always the fear that it might go wrong like my last one did. Thanks hope u can answer this.

  4. Misu Carito says

    Well… In my first appointment I cried a lot, because of my anxiety, but when I leave I knew that he was the right therapist for me ( I did a lot of therapy before him years ago, but it didnt feel like that). But since that it has been 2 years and a half, and about two weeks ago he told me something really painful that I dont think that it has to do with my process. So I dont know if I should keep seeing him, although on the other hand he trully helped me and I will miss him. What should I do? Any help? ♥

  5. GingerGilligan says

    I'm the kind of person who is shy and anxious with EVERYBODY I first meet. I would probably want to give the therapist a few more chances, even if I didn't feel 100% comfortable at first, because I know my anxiety is me, not him/her. Sometimes it takes me a very long time to feel comfortable and trust another person.

  6. AllieSpeaks says

    I feel like I've only ever had a good client therapist relationship ONCE. It was from May 2018-Oct 2018 but I ended up being to high risk for my colleges counseling center to wanted deal with, was terminated services against my will. Despite all of the crap that happened towards the end of my time there I still am keeping my promises to my former therapist for not drinking until April 2019 (6 months of no drinking). That's how good the relationship was. He refused to out an M1 hold on me unless another one of his coworkers would also be able to assess me, if not I'd be in his office for an hour, shuttled to other rooms between his other appointments. He asked questions during silence but respected the silence when needed. It was a perfect balance.
    He diagnosed me formally with borderline personality disorder but never told me, I had to see it on a summary treatment paper…??
    I'm on the hunt for a GOOD therapist who specializes and has been doing their job for 3+ years. I prefer someone who is older than me, can be sarcastic, and understand when I want to be picked apart with questions. My current therapist is still doing her field hours, and does a lot of "ah's and oh wow". Like ask me a question! She doesn't want to go through all the extra hours of specializations. I think I need to see someone new. But I'm a people pleaser and tend to stick with whoever I'm sent to. This is my 4th therapist!
    1. Guy made me pray with him and imposed his.beliefs on me
    2. College therapist and he was AMAZING he knows what he is doing. I wish him all the best.
    3. Guy who broke the law, texted me, bullied me, and talked about his problems in therapy
    4. Current woman who is still in training with no desire to specialize
    I have a lot of trauma, I need someone who is experienced, I'm not an easy case to take on, I need someone who tells me how the actively self care, and I need to just click with someone. I'll want treatment one day, and the next hour it's the worst thing to have happen in my life, just a back and forth.

  7. caseus8 says

    I'm a book person. If I walk into your office and there are titles I vibe with, that's my spark.

  8. Jennifer Storer says

    I've been seeing my therapist for almost 3 years now and I feel like I just recently really let her "in". I had always liked her and knew she was one of my strongest supports, but I didn't really start feeling completely comfortable sharing everything or even actually letting myself cry until maybe 2 months ago!

  9. Sara Nevius says

    just some constructive feedback from another mfti, this video was a bit challenging to watch with all the hand gestures.

  10. empathic multiples says

    weirdly or not i clicked with all my therapists so far. i'm just like super shy and stuff but at d mid of d session i'll get really talkative n all…

  11. Eloise Marie says

    I found my therapist on the internet. The reviews that I read of her were so detailed that I knew they must be true. So I was desperate enough to call and leave a message. Then she called me back. Oh boy, I just stared and stared at the phone afraid to pick up but I thought I better or else I will never have the courage to call anyone else. She sounded nice on the phone so I made the appointment and she told me that we could just try it out and see if we matched. The first session I could tell that she thought like me and could understand what I was saying and she had some really great feedback so I decided to book another appointment. I was so freaking scared but she is SO good. Her insights, her tips, her techniques, her view of the world and how I could begin to look at it. Well it was easy to talk with them from the very first session. It's been a month and I am SO much better!!!!!!!!! I still my therapist but I feel like I could stop now and I would be so much the better person for it.

  12. Marcel says

    Hey Kati, Im using as a reference on my counselling assigment about therapeutic relationship

  13. Maya Hall says

    Hahaha the beginning. It makes me wonder if she does that for every video

  14. TheCrazyskier7 says

    I find it takes me a few sessions to get comfortable with a new therapist. I find the first session always feel like an interrogation and it's hard to do that over and over again with every new therapist.

  15. Carly Robertson says

    Do they start the conversation? I have my first one Thursday and idk what to talk about and I usually shut down talking about anything and I'm just really nervous…

  16. hippogriffgrrl10 says

    Anyone considering going into this kind of field should have to watch this–have the idea drilled into to their head that this is serious fucking stuff, and if you are not going to care, you should NOT be a therapist/etc. People's lives are hanging in the balance, and if you're going to be all, "ugh, WORK" about it and aren't going to give the 100% effort that someone needs from you and that by taking on this kind of job you have promised to give, then you have no business advertising yourself as a therapist or a counselor or a psychiatric nurse or a whatever. You have to be more than just "competent" to do this kind of job. You have to be, at the very least, actually compassionate and sincerely helpful and proactive and you have to CARE and you have to actually do you need to do to help your clients or patients or whoever. You can't just sit there and be unconcerned and unhelpful and charge them money for it. That's basically fraud, for one thing–but that's just irresponsible, and that's just really, really shitty of you as a human being.

  17. silent scream says

    hi kati 
    i lied to my therapist about 2 things but i am ready now to tell her about it and to explain why i did it but it been more than 3 months she didn't give me an appointment and i am really attached to her. #katiFAQ  so my question is : is she not giving me appointment because she knew that i lied? is there anything you can tell me to do to stay safe till i get an appointment?
    thank you for your videos
    PS: i'm from Lebanon sorry if i wrote anything wrong?

  18. Alina Ipsch says

    great vid ! Love watching these.
    And I really get which moment or which kind of spark you mean. I felt that during IP this year. The therapeutic relationship was great and didnt abruptly stoppped after being IP for 10 weeks. sad part is, im currently relapsing and she isnt working as an outpatient therapist.I can still call or write her, if in need, but I cant visit her weekly or so. I struggle to make the first step searching for a new therapist as my last experience was so great and the therapeutic relationship was absolutely perfect. I think it could only be worse now. Anyway, thanks for making such useful vids !

  19. Andy Mosley says

    i have never once had a good therapist. but when i went to inpatient i really connected with a few of the staff members. i am friends with them on fb and still reach out to them sometimes when i really need it

  20. Kyles Stutchbury says

    I have two therapists now. I live in Australia and the government only give you 10 free sessions a year, then I have had to use my insurance but that still costs me $50 per session. So now I see two, I have only just started see the psychologist at uni because it is free. With my first therapist (which I am still seeing) it took me a while to warm up to him, only because I hadn't been in therapy before. It was hard, scary, overwhelming, and stressful the first 10 minutes but he made me feel comfortable straight away. I think it was like 3 sessions until we connected fully. It does get easier to see someone over time. The therapist I have recently started seeing, I have a very strong connection with him, we clicked straight away. It helped having previous therapy experience so to speak, lol. You just know that they are the right one. I can't explain it but say you will just know. I can take a few sessions, but I also believe if they are not the right one you will know straight away, you won't want to reveal much to them and won't have that urge and pounding heart to get whatever it is off your chest.

  21. Baixiulan says

    I feel always stressed up when I go to see my psychologist. She told me that in my case I will always feel that way but I just have to understand that she won't judge me and let it go… It takes me like almost 15 minutes each session before feeling comfortable. (It is not about whom I "work" with but just letting someone almost getting in my head and dark and "stupid" (well I find them stupid but not her) thoughts ")

  22. Amanda Williams says

    I'm afraid to tell my therapist certain things. I get all tounge tied at times. What should I do?

  23. Rachel Sperl says

    I was just like "oh lord an old person shes gonna suck" and my anxiety was horrible in that appointment but by the 2nd one i was just like "well ok shes a pretty freaking awesome lady" and we have a really great theraputic relationship 🙂

  24. Miss Mymoo says

    #KatiFAQ : Do I have to tell a new therapist/psychiatrist that I've been seeing someone else for almost 2 years from now, if I decide to switch?

  25. Jamie1982 says

    I've been with my therapist for almost two years. He diagnosed me with PTSD. I didn't dislike my therapist from the beginning- but it took me a long time to trust him. The first 15 months I tried to find ways to cancel therapy or put it off- anything to avoid it. What has helped make me feel more comfortable with my therapist is emailing him in-between sessions (he almost never emails back). I share with him what is going on or giving feedback from the previous session.

  26. Hendricana says

    My current therapist I found through the Roman Catholic diocese in our area and she gave me free therapy when I first started seeing her. Now I have insurance and she splits my copay, because things are still tight. She's just really nice and affirms me when I'm on the right track and clues me in when I'm driving myself nuts. Another therapist that I had was just super empathic and compassionate and knew how to do EMDR which helped me process some tough stuff.

  27. JustmeNici says

    I'm sitting here with my friend at the moment, showing her this vid because she does go to a therapist, but she doesn't feel good talking to her. She does not want to go back or even go to another therapist. How should I convince her to fo find another therapist?

  28. charitie brooks says

    I don't feel horrid around my therapist currently but I can't be as honest with her as I could with my first one. I could tell my old therapist anything I felt so safe in her hands and the one i have now is not like that

  29. Hannah Jones says

    I've had 2 good therapists and one really bad the 2 good ones were for a start younger; which wasn't a prerequisite, but it helped me relate to them. Anyway i guess it's not that complicated, they were good because they listened. The bad one forced me to sit through hypnotherapy and made the sessions about herself. The first good one made me a little uncomfortable cause she used to stare at me with her massive eyes, but she was fun and usually the looks she gave were of empathy so that was okay.

  30. Bluee Eyedd says

    hey i'm suffering from an eating disorder, and was wondering if you would mind just having a look at my first youtube video – and maybe just share it around so people can watch it, sorry for being so incredibly awkward ahh 🙂

  31. rainbow girl 76 says

    Hi kati. Really enjoying ur videos. Ive been bulimic for 10yrs and im 37yrs old.i used to be real lean with the bulimia but now i am still eating disordered but obese. There is nothing anywhere about bring obese and still bulimic. Can u do something on this?

  32. McKenzie Horsley says

    These videos are super. Can u do a video on social anxiety? Thanks

  33. Louise Maye says

    This is a great video!when I was in therapy first I was only allowed a certain number of sessions because it was a free service & so I had to find someone else. When I did, she was so awkward and I couldn't get used to her, so after about 4 sessions with her i knew I needed someone else! Thankfully I found an amazing therapist and I'm so glad I did because she's helped my through a lot. Don't be discouraged if the first,or second isn't the right one!you'll soon find someone you click with

  34. Lauren M says

    Also, heres some video idea's:
    -Coming back after being in a hospital- I've was lost and had a hard transition the times I went back home after inpatient
    -DBT-(If you use it)
    -is it ok to be vegetarian/ vegan (or have a special diet) while recovering from an ED
    -is being a therapist a good idea after struggling with mental illness for so long

    Just Some Suggestions, also your video's are great! =)

  35. Lauren M says

    Just curious have you ever done DBT? It's been really helpful.

  36. 4staperkins says

    Some people believe that eating disorders can be cause by genetics. Some people posses a trait that leads them to be more prone to this. Coming from a family that has over 4 generations of eating disorders I wonder about this. What are your thoughts on eating disorders and genetics?

  37. Dissociation Diaries says

    This is really reassuring. It's nice to know that you don't have to force it with someone that you don't get on with.

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