Here’s the rest of the update that I didn’t speak on camera:
I’ve been making a lot of phone calls and appointments since I was released from the hospital on Wednesday. I can’t see the social worker I love at a mental health clinic in Queens because my insurance will not allow me to have two beloved psychotherapy professionals on my care team, only one. The clinic will not let me see a psychiatrist without seeing the social worker, so I made an appointment with a psychiatrist whom I’ve seen before in Midwood.
I have my therapy appointments I make. I have an appointment for supported employment orientation. I decided to engage that route of attaining money because of my Social Security benefits denial. I’m meeting with an ADA re the assault case from October. Looks like I’ll be in a DBT program come December. I have a WeCare appointment soon, alongside my appointments with my Supported Education specialist. Big shout out to her and everyone on my care team!
I like to keep myself occupied with art pursuits. I’ve been going to poetry workshops on Saturdays and Wednesdays, and hope one of the instructors will mentor me via weekly assignments and weekly one-hour meetings. A grrrrl can only dream! I also will be attending sangha again. That’s an exciting development. I met a volunteer from NY Insight at the hospital, and she reminded me how lovely it is to be in supported practice community. I borrowed a guitar from the library so I will start rocking out soon. I’m going to a Zadie Smith event near the end of November. I’m teaching myself how to draw and make collages. You’ll see some werk soon. Reading Watership Down if anyone wants to read it with me.
I’m interested in mental health blogging from my own experiences as a Black person with BPD. It’s rough but I’m trying. That’s all I can do, really.
I’m working on getting more eyeballs in front of this ting and it’s hard with psychiatric disabilities. But today is the day I will be setting Boomerang to send out letters and messages to potential donors and people from my past so folks can share and donate. I was suggested to start reading the Borderline Personality Disorder workbook, so gunna do that.
Is there a piece of doing this work that doesn’t hurt to hold?
somethingsfeellesshorribletoholdthanotherslikewritingthisupdateandcreatingasentencethatlookslikethis. And how does Hortense Spillers, Saidiya Hartman, and Frank Wilderson III do this every day?
They write. They learned how to write effectively and touch many minds and hearts (hopefully) with their work so I’m learning from them today and every day. Like I told my friend just now, it hurts to do this sometimes, but what hurts even more is being so dependent on people who are weird with giving and don’t want to admit it but when I call it out I’m the problem. So I rather do this work, as painful as it may be, than continue to suffer monetarily in the long run.
Thank you to Kaylee Knowles, Juliana Morris, Ilah Kristel, Suzette Waninkhoff, Johnny Blue, and Terra Anderson for your transport, food and med donations late October. Those folks received my special Autumn Spotify playlist. If folks donate again, even if it’s just $5, I will send it to you. It has a lot of gems. It’s meant to be enjoyed shuffled. So enjoy!
Thank you so much for reading, sharing and donating. Please keep doing those things kthanksbye.
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